Mama Time.

My pediatrician tried telling me from Day 1 that I needed to take more time for myself. Try telling that to a mama who had more issues than you could believe from the very beginning. We were seeing the doctor every single week. Weight checks. Jaundice. NICU. Blood draws on a 4 day old baby.  “Don’t breastfeed.” Liver specialist.  “Use formula.” Heart specialist.  On and on and on…

And you expect me to think that taking a moment for mama is ok??

I’m happy to say that I’ve been a very selfless and dedicated mom this first year. We co-slept for a year (that’s a whole other story in itself, where we stand with that right now). I’m still breastfeeding at almost 13 months — throughout ALL of our issues, we’re still going at it. I’ve never used a babysitter and have only been out without the baby a handful of times – at most. My husband and I haven’t been out together alone not ONE SINGLE TIME.

Because this is what I signed up for. I did not have a baby for someone else to watch. I had a baby because I wanted one. We wanted one. He’s very, very attached. Sometimes he doesn’t want to be put down. He doesn’t take any type of “soothing” anything. Not a pacifier or a blanket, or anything else for that matter. The only thing that soothes him is usually me. And do I still use nursing to soothe him? I sure do. Do I plan on stopping anytime soon? Nope, I don’t.

But I have to admit, just a little, that I’m in need of a little bit of mama time. I’m anxiously trying to save up a few bucks here and there for some necessary time for myself. I have money put aside for a haircut for myself. I don’t care if it costs $50 — it’s well deserved. And I have money put aside for me to be able to go to Starbucks and grab an expensive coffee drink — I don’t care if it costs $5 for ONE drink, I’m going to get whichever one I want. Then I’m going to drive to the nail salon, BABY FREE, and I’m going to get a pedicure and my eyebrows done, and I’m going to enjoy it. And after that? Maybe I’ll drive BACK to Starbucks, get another $5 drink, and sit in a corner and read a book. For an hour. Because I haven’t done anything like this since before the baby was born. Over a year ago.

Because I deserve it.

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