Discovering Me.

For the last 8 months, my life has revolved around this tiny little life. This life that I brought into this world. Our journey has been tougher than some (and not as tough as many!), and it has taken a toll on me. Throughout this, i think i may have lost myself.

My focus, day in and day out, is this baby. And with the many issues we have endured from the very beginning — born almost 4 weeks early, jaundiced, weight loss, troubles breastfeeding, low supply, and the list goes on … — we had a LOT to deal with. Add that, onto adjusting to being a stay at home mom, taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning, and attempting to take care of my husband, too… Well, that doesn’t leave a lot of time for me to take care of me.

I used to have hobbies. When i was young, i played sports. After college, i picked up photography. I wanted to start my own business. I LOVED it.

Photo by me. Do not steal, do not copy.

Now, i’m feeling crafty. And while, i still love my photography, i’m leaning towards doing crafty projects. Like sewing. My mom gave me her (actually, it was my grandma’s first) old 1960’s Singer sewing machine. It’s old and a little rickety, and doesn’t QUITE work the way it should. So on a whim, while we were in Target the other day, hubby BOUGHT me a new sewing machine! And not just the cheapest one we could find, but one of the most expensive ones we could find! I absolutely ADORE it, but was a little worried that it’d be one of those things… where you buy it, set it up, and forget about it (i confess, i have a bad habit of doing that).

The same day we brought home the sewing machine, we set it up. I already had enough fabric for 3 different blankets that i had in mind. That night, we made a Sesame Street blanket for the baby, and then we made a small, 12×12″ blankie. SO CUTE. I was in love. Go figure, hubby is GOOD with a sewing machine — i even got MAD at him, saying he was going to TAKE MY HOBBY! He’s been very helpful, teaching me, but is backing off so it can be MINE. I just want something that is mine – that defines ME.

Now, only a few days later, i’ve already made a pillow and a larger blanket to go with the little blankie, and attached a pacifier holder to said blankie. Such a cute little SET — looking at it, i had a great idea. I would absolutely LOVE to make sets like that to sell! So here is where my thoughts are going. I’m giving myself a full year to really get a hold of my new found love of a hobby. To make stuff for Buggy, to make gifts for friends, etc. But at the end of the year, i’d like to start selling. My goal, to have sold something by September of 2012. I feel that gives me enough time to master it well, come up with the small array of items i’d sell, and to build a little stock before starting to list them online (Etsy, maybe?). I’d also like to do local things, like flea markets, maybe.

Ultimately, i’d like to continue BOTH of my hobbies, and then sell both my own photography prints, and my own blankets. Just on the side, as a hobby. Now that the baby is almost 8 months, i’d like to do a few things again that define me as a person, and not just a mommy. Even thinking of putting a “craft” page here on my blog, to document my progress from beginning to end. I’ve even decided that the new rule in my house is that, at the end of the night, when (and if) the baby goes down to sleep and it’s not too late, there will be NO housecleaning! Instead, i need to spend 30 minutes or an hour doing something for ME. Sewing. Editing photos. Blogging. Drinking a beer. Anything. Something that gives me a little sanity and lets me take a small escape from this crazy, chaotic thing called mommyhood.

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